Conflict

I don't know about you but I live in a Christian community where conflict is normal and I expect it. As a follower of Jesus I, again and again, walk with people who misunderstand or get offended by one thing or another. Not only that, but I misunderstand others, or get offended by what others have to say. This makes Christian life hard and sometimes, I want to just give up.

Giving up, I find, is not an option. But conflict is hard. I admit that I don't always deal with conflict well. The closer the person is (wife, good friend) the more that I am tempted to "go to war". But I am learning and I am growing. Below are a few lessons that I have learned over the last 12 years. Maybe they will be helpful as all of us learn to be the community of Jesus.

1) We must follow Matthew 18:15-17. This is just basic wisdom. If your brother sins against you, go to him. So much hurt, anger and misunderstanding could be fixed by going directly to the one you are angry with. Though processing with a few trusted friends is beneficial and appropriate, anything else verges on gossip.

2) At my best, as I enter into conflict, I remember the words of Paul in I Corinthians 13... Some of the verses that I try to keep in the forefront as I enter into conflict are:
A) Love never gives up
b) Love doesn't strut
c) Love doesn't fly off the handle
d) Love doesn't keep score of the sins of others
e) Love puts up with anything
f) Love always looks for the best
I am pretty sure that if these were the boundaries of conflict on both sides, things would always turn out well.

3) Conflict is healthy. It is my experience that conflict is good and healthy when it is dealing with reality, boundaried by love and informed by biblical principles. Saying nothing might seem better but it doesn't work. Bitterness will take root and you will find yourself imprisoned by thoughts and feelings that can destroy a life. Conflict leads us to die to self and really deal with one another as we actually are. Conflict, when done well, can bring about God's best and it definitely grows us up.

Well, there you go! This has been good for me to get out on paper (is that what you say on a blog!). As I have been reflecting on this I am reminded of part of Philippians 2 in "The Message":
"If you have gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care--then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."

I want this to be my heart. It isn't only about being right, it is also about loving well. I pray that I continue to grow in love in the days to come.